Title of Piece: The Visitor (2025)

Brass ensemble: 2 trumpets, 4 horns, 3 trombones, 1 tuba

6 minutes

A few weeks before my mother Marilyn died from Parkinson’s-related dementia, I had a strange dream. What I remember of it is this: constant and overwhelming waves of tingling flowing up and down from my head, spine, arms, back, and legs. My body and nervous system felt chaotic. I found myself crying uncontrollably, but I did not feel sad. The words, “take care of yourself, take care,” kept moving through my mind, as if they were being whispered to me. The experience was both terrifying and pleasurable. It seemed to last for a very long time, but in reality it may have only been a few moments or minutes. 

Sometimes, this sensation has been described as “ASMR,” or “autonomous sensory meridian response,” where whispering can create a euphoric feeling. Or, other people might experience “aesthetic chills” or “frisson” from music that triggers deep pleasure in the listener. I’ve had the latter since I was a child, and I call them “fever-chills of joy,” because they are somewhere between the aches one gets at the onset of getting sick paradoxically combined with a profound sense of happiness. What was so interesting here, however, is that my experience that night took place unconsciously and within a dream; there were no sounds, music, or stimuli present, other than in my own mind.

The music here is not meant to represent anything; but when I wrote it I was thinking about this dream, and my mother, and hoping to evoke a similar feeling of intimacy, uncertainty, connection, sadness, and joy.

The Visitor was premiered by the Greater Columbus Community Orchestra and commissioned by the Johnstone Funds for New Music.